Mothers Best Friends: Humour Zone

CHILDREN

You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and be quiet

Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the driveway before it has stopped snowing.

There is only one pretty child in the world and every mother has it.

Chinese Proverb : Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me!

Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

We child proofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in!

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home!.

EDUCATION

I was born intelligent - education ruined me.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station....
 what more can I say..........

If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for?

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word ?

Money is not everything. There's MasterCard & Visa.

Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning

"Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk !

"Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours !

God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.

The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you    know So.. why learn.

MOM'S DICTIONARY

AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labour to make love again.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial    disaster.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them    right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labour is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: Achild who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

TWO MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: Able to whine in words

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house...

WEEKEND: When Dad gets to play golf while Mom catches up on the laundry, cleans the house, runs errands, etc.